I Tried, but Had No Self Control

Yesterday I attended a function, a ballet of sorts.  When I arrived camera in hand expecting to experiment with movement and low light I was disappointed to find out no photos were allowed.

Now, I have been in this situation before and talked my way into taking photos without flash so it would not distract the performers.  This time, not so much.

I went to my seat high in the balcony ready to watch the beautiful display of physical feat and eye popping colorful costumes, keeping my camera to myself.

Sitting high above everything I had a difficult time seeing the pageantry on display.  Oh, I thought, I can use my camera as binoculars.  Great idea I thought to myself, so I did.

But then, then, well as hard as I tried, I just could not control myself.

Not when I saw this

or this

Oh my, how do they do this?

or this one

I've started I might as well continue...

or how about this one?  Poetry in motion...look at that movement how could I not?

Yes, I broke the rules.  Yes, I felt badly about it.  Yes, I love the photos.  Yes, I would tell kids not to follow my lead, to have more self control then I did...Yes to it all...So learn from my indiscretion, and enjoy the photos in the meantime.

Longings

This morning as I drove to church with the sun brightly shining and a dusting of snow on the ground, my thoughts turned to a longing I have....

A longing to be near the water, the beach, the warmth the beauty.

 A longing to see God's majesty in nature, warm nature.  God's beauty is everywhere, even in the days in Iowa when the high is going to be seventeen degrees.  THE HIGH!

But for me, I long for this...how could I not?

How close is too close?

How close is too close?  This little fella doesn't seem to mind my desire to be close to it.  

 He seems content, curled up, front paw tucked into his fur.  Inquisitive look on his face.  I think he found me as interesting as I found him.  As I circle around the tree we both seem to be keeping our eyes on each other.

 I really like nature from a distance so being this close to a wild animal is a little scary I think being this close to a human might be scary for him too.

  But....I had to push the limits....

 And I did.  The cute little squirrel was no longer cute or seemed little it's cute little paw was no longer tucked into it's fur it's claws were out.  I had taken one step too close with the big, black, flashy item covering my face and he was over it.  He hissed and spat at me and I ran.  See the camera shake in the photo? 

 This big ferocious animal showed me and now I know how close is too close.  

Missed the Cardinal but Found the Rainbow

Today was  a very cloudy rainy day in Eastern Iowa and with this weather it seems to excite the birds in my neighborhood somehow. Excited birds bring out my shutterbug as most things do, so that is not much of a big deal.  However, out of the corner of my eye I could see the elusive cardinal I have been trying to get a good clean crisp photo of.  Seems the cardinal is camera shy and every time I focus in, it disappears.  Not easily daunted today I went outside in the cold mist, barefooted, bath robe on, camera in hand.  I am searching and searching for the cardinal that keeps moving around, not staying still long enough for me to capture a good photo.  Don't get me wrong, I have tons of blurry photos of cardinals and photos with a teeny tiny cardinal, or red leaf, can't tell the difference in the photo.  That has been my luck with cardinals.  I can capture red robins, red headed wood peckers, song birds, even a red tailed hawk but not the cardinal.      Determined as ever to get "that one shot" I almost missed the most beautiful sight of the morning.  As I turned to check one more time for the cardinal in the evergreen tree something caught the  corner of my eye.  A beautiful, glorious, rainbow.  I immediately thought, wow this is a forest for the trees thing, then of course I took the photos.

Isn't that just the way we live life, or I do, so focused on the immediate need or wants and not looking for the other blessings that are out there?  Had this not caught my eye as I was headed in, I would have missed a beautiful sight a sight that touched my heart. A significant sight for me and probably others.   I don't often see rainbows, not like when I was a child, so am I too focused on the cardinals in my life to notice or are they more rare?  It has given me much to ponder on this rainy Iowa day.  And I hope and pray that I will look for the rainbow on the next rainy day and let what may catch the corner of my eye after I see the wonder of it all.

Song of Solomon 2:15

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

Fifty Eight Years of Love

My parents were married for 58 years when my Father passed away.  As any marriage there were many ups and downs.  I often times wondered how they lasted?  Why they lasted?  How do you go through what they went through and stay together?  I also thought about the good times, the times they sat at the piano, my Dad slapping the keys and my Mom singing off key reminding me of the scene from "All In the Family" my Mom being Edith Bunker.  All the great trips we had.  The Holidays, the four wheelers, the boat trips, or even Dad just telling Mom almost every meal she cooked, "this is the best dinner you've ever made, Wanda."  And he really did mean it.
What I witnessed between my Mom and Dad when he was in Hospice, rocked my world, and changed my view on love, what it means, what it is, and what makes it last.  It was so amazing I sat down and wrote my thoughts in a poem like writting.

 April 22, 2005

Fifty Eight Years of Love 

Hands cradled his face

warm tender kisses

eyes forced open 

 at 

the sound of her voice

 her touch

her kiss 

I love you's exchanged until the last hour 

when the Lord came

 quietly 

peacefully

gently 

to 

call him home ... 

waiting until she 

left the room because he 

could not bare 

to leave 

her voice, her touch, her kiss 

My Thoughts after my Daddy Passed written April 22, 2005

As the family sat around talking small talk, I could not focus on anything, except that My Dad was lying somewhere in a place between life and death, in the same room in which we sat. 

If the chair next to his bed was not taken I took it, at times being asked to give it to someone else, at times asking if someone else wanted to take my place. 

I sang to him the songs I only sing, in the car, alone ... knowing in my heart that one day these songs of old ... songs of a previous generation ... would be sung for my Father ... never thinking or dreaming it would be as he lay waiting for the Lord to come and take him home. 

I sang quietly to him, as if we were the only two in the room, trying to keep my voice steady, not crying. He didn't like it when I cried. He wanted me to be strong. 

At times, I knew someone was singing with me,  "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name" ... never knowing who, never looking anywhere but at my Daddy. Holding gently his hand, as occasionally he would mouth the words with me, never opening his eyes ... 

Feeling with such great love and emotion that my Dad was going to a better place, but the place he was leaving from, would be worse for me without him. 

Thinking a great void would open up in my heart and swallow me whole. 

His words echoed in my mind, that he was ready to go, he had lived his life, he had finished the race and he was ready for his crown of righteousness. He explained to me long ago, that I was being selfish because I did not want him ever to die. He, as always, was right. I do not regret my selfishness in this area. But I did have to tell him, and this time I could not help myself from crying, that he was right, I am selfish, but that I would let him go, whenever he was ready. 

More singing, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound" everyone singing now. Gathered around him, singing old hymns ... His mouth was moving, as if he were singing with us, rejoicing in the Lord, occasionally a sound, right on queue would be uttered from his mouth ... a deep throaty sound ... but purposeful and not an involuntary response. A real response from the one who was loved most by all the people in the room, to the one he loved most, the Lord. 

Singing, singing, singing, "When we all get to heaven ... ", "The King is Coming", "Beulah Land", "This is the Day the Lord hath Made" ... praying, reading the Word of God to him. 

Leaving the room to let him rest quietly for a few minutes. 

Only to return, finding that he had left the room quietly himself ... 

Dad and His Boys

Woman's Best Friend

As I lay in bed last night my thoughts turned to those whom I have loved much and who have gone before me.


When this happens I get this ache deep inside me that cannot be expressed in words. It just aches.


I hid my face in the book I was attempting to read and started weeping softly.


As I was weeping my boxer, Sugar Baby, crept closer to me.  And snout to face, she reached over and gently licked the tears streaming from my cheek. Looking at me with those big soulful eyes she has full of concern for her person.


When I put down the book and turned off the light she snuggled in close  and stayed there for most of the night.  Returning to her usual place at the foot of the bed, when she knew I was going to be okay.


Even writting this now I am tearing up at the tenderness and the intuititiveness of my pup and how thankful I am to have her.

This is why she is called Woman's best friend.